Instant Gratification Guys

One of the themes I've noticed in my two whole weeks of online dating is that most of the guys who are emailing me don't have much patience. They've pressed the lever, and like mice in a maze, they expect the treat to fall down the chute. Like, now, woman. Hurry up with the treat. Here let me press the lever again. And again.

These guys, let's call them IGGies, want to know what I'm doing right now. And why I'm not doing it with them, right now. They want an immediate reply, and get angry when they don't receive it. (Especially if they can see you're "online," which the service I'm using allows.)

I met my first IGGy on Day One of my experiment. He was southtrace, and I was so new that I didn't recognize the two emails in quick succession as worthy of alarm. I thought it just meant he was really interested in me. How flattering. He loved my profile; he asked lots of questions; he wanted to know me. I emailed him a brief response that very night, though it was late and I was tired.

The next morning, I woke up to two new emails from him. Brief but pressing emails, "good morning, how are you?" and "what are your plans for today? maybe we can get some coffee..." I had plans for the day already; I thought I'd email him later, when I got a chance. When I returned to my computer in the afternoon, four more emails awaited. They went from courteous but urgent:

what are you up to?

to irritated and guilt-inducing:

I don't know why you are not communicating with me...

I felt like I had to respond NOW, but feeling that way made me dislike him instantly. Why did I have to manage him, like a project? I already have a job. So I tried to put him off, said I was "busy," but he seemed to not get the hint. I was, I admit, not direct enough. I felt guilty for indicating the slightest amount of interest. After the 10th email from him, I stopped responding at all.

By that time I had seen more than one IGGy. They're all over the place. mrpersunality, below, was one as well. He said "damn not even a thanks but no thanks" when I hadn't responded to his first two emails quickly enough (within the same day). Half a day does not seem that long to me, but for him, it was an eternity.

southtrace still emails me when he sees I'm online with quasi-stalkerish questions like "still awake?" and "finding anyone you like?" Considering that I've sent him a total of 3 emails to his dozen-or-so to me, I don't think he really expects me to say anything back. Pressing the lever with my name on it didn't yield consistent rewards for him. And I wasn't trying to mislead him, or waste his time, or anything. But he became invested very quickly, which is a huge red flag. We didn't even know each other yet.

What I learned from him was that a lot of these guys would prefer a quick no to a slow maybe, okay, yes.